Women and Rape!

Can women prevent rape simply by wanting to?

Even when I sit down to work, these thoughts come rushing in. How do I focus on work while living in a society filled with so much inhumanity? This writing is quite long, so I’ve divided it into several sections. If someone doesn’t feel like reading the whole thing, they can read any part they choose.

# Thinking is difficult, which is why most people rush to judgment instead

Carl Gustav Jung was a renowned Swiss psychologist – an absolute giant in the field. One of his famous quotes is: “Thinking is difficult, that’s why most people judge.” We demand punishment before identifying the root problem. So many crossfires, executions, imprisonments – have they reduced crimes like rape? A criminal will receive their due punishment – prison, execution. In a civilized society, every criminal must be punished. But if we can address the causes of crime, the number of criminals will decrease. No one will have to die as a victim or live a life filled with hatred toward the world. That’s why it’s essential to investigate the causes of crime. Punishment will happen, but we must also ask why rape has increased so drastically. Globally, research on rape and the psychology of rapists is extremely limited – even in developed countries.

# Those who are punished are ‘generalists’; those who escape justice are ‘specialists’

In our society, the number of these specialists is far greater. The few cases we know of fall into the generalist category.

Common beliefs about rape in our society are often wrong and exaggerated. Although women’s education, activism, and related efforts have made discussions about rape more open, most of these conversations are emotionally driven. The hopeful part is that awareness has increased; media and social platforms now discuss rape more than before; even laws have changed. Yet rape remains one of the most underreported crimes globally. In the United States, only 34.8% of rapes are reported. Bangladesh has no official statistics on rape. But it’s safe to say that in third-world countries like ours – where victim shaming is rampant – the rate of unreported rape is much higher. In other words, what we know about rape is only a fraction of what actually occurs.

Most people’s understanding of the causes of rape and the psychology of rapists is still limited to stereotyped ideas. This is partly due to the lack of behavioral research on rapists. Some studies have been done in the developed world, but they were incomplete because researchers could only reach convicted criminals. Professor Neil Malamuth of the University of California said, “Those who are punished are ‘generalists’; those who commit crimes and escape are ‘specialists’.” Recent studies have reached these ‘specialists’ through anonymous surveys and gathered valuable insights.

There are vast differences between Western societies and ours, so their crime patterns and criminal psychology rarely match ours. However, many aspects of their research apply universally across societies and countries.

# What is rape?

The defining factor of rape is lack of consent. Non-consensual sexual intercourse – whether through coercion or force, whether it causes physical harm or not – is considered physical assault and thus rape. This applies whether the victim is a married wife, a sex worker, a spouse, or any other woman.

A man can approach a woman sexually in three ways: through consent, coercion, or force.

In consensual sex, both parties willingly participate through mutual discussion. Suppose you engage in sexual activity with a consenting adult – that’s not rape. But if you exploit the vulnerability or helplessness of a colleague or friend to engage in sex against their will, even if they don’t resist, what is that? That’s coercive rape. In cases of force, the victim’s consent is irrelevant; there’s a risk of physical and psychological harm, even death. Engaging in sexual activity with a minor or child – whether with or without consent – is also rape.

# Is the victim’s clothing a cause of rape?

Most people believe that rapists are lustful men provoked by the victim’s seductive gestures or clothing. But recent research and statistics show no correlation between rape and the victim’s attire. From 5-month-old infants to 99-year-old women, from sex workers to women in full religious covering – none are spared. Blaming the victim only serves to justify the crime. Those who defend rapists are all potential rapists themselves, lurking for the right opportunity. When they find the right target in the right setting, they act.

# Rape is the sexual expression of power and rage

Know this: sex is not the primary or main goal of a rapist. Research has proven this. Rapists feel elated by exerting power over the weak. A man overpowering a vulnerable woman, a teacher abusing a child – these are examples. No one stoops so low just for 2-5 minutes of sex. So is a rapist a frustrated man expressing repressed desire, or a perverted individual unsatisfied with normal sex? All these views make the same mistake: assuming the rapist is driven by sexual desire and fulfills it through rape. But clinical studies show that rape is not primarily about sex. It is the sexual expression of power and rage. Coercive sexual acts stem not from desire but from revenge and hostility. Rapists derive a sadistic pleasure that makes them feel powerful. Viewing rape as an act of lust is not only incorrect – it’s deceptive. It often shifts the blame onto the victim. The lack of a sexual motive becomes even clearer when victims are mutilated or murdered. Evolutionary psychology theories about leaving genetic legacy through rape don’t hold up either. The popular but false belief that rape stems from sexual frustration or repressed desire has led to widespread misconceptions about rape, rapists, and victims for generations.

# Misconceptions about victims and the culture of victim-blaming – this is the biggest reason rape continues to rise

What? You claim to be civilized? You hurled insults at Mosharraf Karim for speaking about women’s freedom to dress. People like you are the majority. Every one of you is a potential rapist. The most common misconception about rape is that the victim provoked the rapist. The idea is that the woman, either intentionally or unintentionally, aroused the man’s sexuality through her gestures or appearance, and that’s why he was “forced” to rape her.

In cases of rape, the idea of seduction or provocation is utterly absurd, because the rapist’s list of victims doesn’t only include women – it includes boys, children, and elderly women of all ages. In recent months, Bangladeshi newspapers have reported numerous cases of child rape, and a significant number of the victims were boys. The youngest girl victim was just one and a half years old. Reports of child rape have become so frequent that they no longer even catch public attention. In this context, the infamous nun rape case in West Bengal deserves mention. The unfortunate nun from Ranaghat was 72 years old. The idea that a man could be sexually aroused by a nine-month-old infant or a 72-year-old woman is something only a madman could conceive.

Yes, those who blame a woman’s clothing, gestures, or behavior for rape are just as ignorant and mentally distorted as the rapist himself. They carry the same ‘snake’ within them and will strike when given the chance. Psychological research has shown that every rapist suffers from a form of mental dysfunction. Those who blame women for rape also need psychological treatment, because each of them is a potential rapist – a sexually dangerous person.

# Can women prevent rape if they really want to?

Keep a blade in your bag and cut off the attacker’s genitals? How would children or elderly women do that? Some people believe that if women truly want to, they can protect themselves from being raped. But they fail to consider that most rapes are committed under threat of weapons, physical harm, or brute force. Trying to resist the attacker may provoke him to become even more violent. A victim’s resistance might deter one attacker, but it’s more likely to escalate the danger. Her scream might scare one off, but there’s no guarantee another won’t stab her in the throat. When a mother has to say, “Sons, come one at a time – my daughter is small, she’ll die,” the idea of resistance becomes a cruel fantasy.

# Stigma and Victim Shaming

This has greatly contributed to the rise in rape cases in our country. Not short clothing, not bold behavior. The fear of social stigma has emboldened many rapists. The worst aspect of sexual crimes is the fear of post-rape stigma or shaming. After being raped, the victim suffers severe physical and psychological trauma. This trauma is worsened by the fear of being shamed. When the victim needs empathy and compassion, society instead burdens her with shame, intensifying her pain. Victim shaming doesn’t only come from outsiders – it often comes from family and relatives. If the victim is married or engaged, there’s fear of being abandoned or having the marriage broken. If unmarried, her chances of a good future marriage become uncertain. And if the abuse is committed by a family member or close relative, the victim often doesn’t dare speak out due to fear of shame.

In the United States, an organization called Laura’s House works with victims of familial sexual abuse. Its CEO and Executive Director, Margaret Bayston, says, “The only cause of victim shaming is ignorance. And the most terrifying part is that the victim believes no one will believe her. So she tells no one. And later, she is blamed for not speaking up.”

One of the most commonly used terms in victim shaming is “prostitute” – the idea that the woman behaved like a sex worker and therefore was assaulted. Because of this stigma, most sexual crimes in third-world countries like Bangladesh remain unreported. Rapists exploit this silence and continue their crimes. This is also why most perpetrators are never brought to justice. And among the cases that do come to light, many victims choose suicide to escape the shame.

The horrific face of victim shaming is also seen in courtrooms. Defense lawyers often try to portray the woman as immoral, as if proving she is promiscuous will absolve the rapist of his crime. But the reality of rape is not like that. Whether the woman is promiscuous or a sex worker, it doesn’t lessen the rapist’s crime – because even sex workers are raped.

# Understanding the psychology of rapists is essential—for a livable future for the next generation

Look, punishing a rapist is not the ultimate solution. Reducing the production of rapists is the real success. Then a child like Samia wouldn’t have to leave this world as a victim of rape. If that rapist hadn’t been produced by society, Samia would still be here, laughing and playing. Researchers in the United States have found that relying solely on the criminal conviction system – sending the criminal to jail – is not enough to prevent rape. We also need to understand the psychology of the offender and take appropriate measures to cure this societal cancer. Professor Sherry Hamby, editor of the Psychology of Violence journal, says, “If you don’t understand the offender, you’ll never understand sexual violence.” Bangladeshi psychologists should research these rapists. The government must provide the necessary support and resources.

# Rapists, corrupt officials, bribe-takers, murderers – all criminals suffer from severe psychological disorders

Instead of understanding the psychology of criminals, rape is often treated as a situational factor and resolved through the justice system. As a result, it hasn’t attracted the attention of mental health professionals, nor have they received training or developed expertise in this area. Case studies of rape show that rapists suffer from severe psychological issues that prevent them from seeing women as human beings. Many of them are incapable of forming relationships based on love, trust, empathy, or compassion. Even if they do form relationships, there is no genuine sense of sharing or mutual exchange. In short, every criminal suffers from some form of mental dysfunction – sometimes temporary, sometimes chronic, and often recurring.

# Rapists are not insane. The insane do not wait for opportunities to commit crimes, but rapists do

Although rapists commit crimes at various levels of psychiatric disorder, in most cases they are not insane. The insane do not wait for opportunities to commit wrongdoing, but rapists do wait for the right time and opportunity. Often, they identify their target in advance and become desperate to commit the crime (rape). They do not consider the consequences of their actions – punishment, disgrace to their family, physical harm to the victim – none of this crosses their mind. In an interview from the book Men Who Rape: The Psychology of the Offender, one offender said: “I felt I had to go out and do it. I knew that sooner or later I would get caught. I also knew that it would ruin my marriage, my job, my freedom. Still, I had to go out, as if some uncontrollable force was driving me.”

# Anyone who has committed sexual assault even once should be kept under lifelong surveillance

Social psychologist Antonia Abbey from Wayne State University recently conducted research on ‘specialists’ who have committed rape and escaped punishment. She found that those who commit rape often begin with minor sexual assaults in early adulthood – especially during high school (college in Bangladesh) or the first couple of years of college (university in Bangladesh) – often by crossing boundaries with someone they know. Some of them stop after one or two offenses. But for others (exact percentage unknown), their behavior either doesn’t change or the frequency of offenses increases.

In her research, Antonia Abbey observed a key pattern: men who felt remorse after their first sexual offense were able to stop. But those who blamed the victim could not. One repeat offender said, “I felt like I was getting revenge for being sexually aroused.”

The findings from Antonia Abbey’s research clearly explain the rise in rape cases in Bangladesh. Those who blame the victim can easily commit rape without remorse or empathy. Since the number of people blaming victims is increasing in our society, the number of rapists is also rising. As mentioned earlier, every person who engages in victim-blaming is a potential rapist. All of them need to be monitored socially and by the state.

Many countries around the world have a law called the Sexually Dangerous Persons Act. Under this law, individuals convicted of a sexual offense are identified as high-risk and kept under surveillance. If necessary, those who spread victim-blaming and shaming online or offline should also be included in this high-risk category. Rapists and those who incite rape must be dealt with legally, socially, and culturally.

# Is the existence of brothels to blame, or is the absence of brothels to blame?

Since popular beliefs about rape are tied to sexuality, most recommended prevention strategies also revolve around sex. Some suggest increasing the number of brothels. Most countries already have brothels, but they don’t offer a solution – because, as mentioned earlier, the attacker is not committing rape for sexual satisfaction. It is an act of rage and power exerted over a weaker woman. Often, even sex workers are raped. A woman is called in for one client, but ten men assault her. She is promised 500 taka but given only 100. Police, thugs, political leaders – she is forced to provide sex for free. That too is rape against sex workers.

# How much is pornography to blame for rape?

Easy access to pornography is often blamed for rape. But behind rape lies rage and vengeance – products of severe psychological disorders. Pornography may be sexually stimulating, but it certainly doesn’t incite rage. Research shows that rapists consume less pornography than average men. (That said, pornography should not be encouraged either. Culturally, it is not only degrading to women but also reflects a sexist mindset in men.) Pakistan ranks highest in the world for viewing gay porn – though it’s unclear whether it also ranks highest in boy rape. According to pornographic trends, Pakistan and Arab countries should top the list for boy rape.

Misconceptions about rape shift the blame away from the rapist. And that’s exactly what the rapist wants. He hides his guilt behind alcohol, drugs, clothing, pornography, and the victim’s behavior. He refuses to admit that he suffers from a serious psychological disorder.

# Calling women “mother” or “sister” is a symptom of a rape-prone society

The more corrupt the men in a country, the more common it is to address women as “mother” or “sister” – and the more unsafe women are around men in those societies. In educated countries or societies, it’s not customary to call women outside one’s family “mother” or “sister.” That’s because educated men know how to respect women. They know how to address women properly and where to look when speaking to them. In such countries, making sexist remarks toward women is a punishable offense. Many politicians and high-ranking officials have lost their jobs or positions over such offenses in educated nations.

The Indian subcontinent is a different story. Here, women are constantly addressed as “mother,” “sister,” or “didi,” yet jokes and sexist comments about women’s bodies are a major source of entertainment for men. Even educated and progressive men in this region frequently make vulgar remarks about women – openly, and often in groups.

This practice of calling women “mother” or “sister” often leads to physical contact and the beginning of coercive rape.

# Touching children affectionately must be strictly regulated

Except for parents, no one should touch or hold a child without parental permission. Through the nature of touch, a child learns to distinguish between good touch and the touch of a potential predator. Let’s set aside the issue of spreading germs – many older men in this country have been seen touching the private parts of little girls. All relatives, friends, and colleagues must be closely monitored. If we can eliminate the unchecked right to touch children, even if not in this generation, rape will significantly decrease in the next. People will stop thinking in terms of boys and girls and start seeing everyone as human. In many countries, touching someone else’s child without permission is a punishable offense. This didn’t happen by chance – it was a necessity. You cannot affectionately touch a child just because they’re cute unless you have the parents’ permission.

# Victims need an environment where they can come forward

To reduce rape, the most urgent need is for victims to come forward. But they won’t do so easily, because they fear being shamed. They must be made to understand that they are not the ones who committed a crime – the rapist did. And to punish the criminal, they must speak up. In cases of familial sexual abuse, many victims may need to leave their families. In such cases, the government and NGOs must step in to support their rehabilitation.

# Legal action and proper enforcement are essential

Most sexual crimes already go unreported, and the lack of proper enforcement and delays in justice only worsen the situation. Bangladesh’s laws on sexual crimes are not lacking, but like many other laws, they suffer from poor implementation. According to the law, rape cases are to be resolved under the Speedy Trial Act, which mandates resolution within 180 days of filing. But in reality, cases drag on for years, and offenders often escape on bail through legal loopholes. A 2017 report by Prothom Alo showed that under the Multisectoral Program for Prevention of Violence Against Women and Children, One-Stop Crisis Centers (OCCs) were established in Dhaka, Rajshahi, Chattogram, Sylhet, Barisal, Khulna, Rangpur, and Faridpur. Over 16 years, 3,312 cases remained unresolved – 73% of the total cases during that period. Even more alarming, of the 1,229 cases that were resolved, only 60 resulted in punishment for the offenders.

The situation across Bangladesh is even more alarming. Alongside impunity, there are issues like police harassment, delays in receiving medical examination reports, the humiliation of the forensic department’s “two-finger test,” lack of evidence preservation and witness testimony, etc. Although a female police officer is supposed to be present to take the complaint of a rape victim at the police station, that is not always the case. Male officers often make dismissive remarks while recording the complaint. The “two-finger test” is conducted to determine whether the victim is sexually active. If a state law tries to link sexual activity with rape, then the lawmakers of that state urgently need psychological treatment.

Evidence is crucial in rape trials. Bangladesh has a national helpline for the prevention of violence against women and children. Anyone can dial 109 to seek help. If the victim or someone else calls 109 immediately after the crime, police can collect evidence before it is destroyed. Emergency help is also available by dialing 999. Most people in Bangladesh are unaware of these services. Other social issues include threats and intimidation by the rapist or their influential family to force the victim or their family to withdraw the case, coercing witnesses to give false testimony, influencing police investigations through power or bribery, altering medical reports, and destroying evidence.

# The first and foremost step in preventing rape should be ending victim-blaming and victim-shaming

The first and foremost step in preventing rape should be ending victim-blaming and victim-shaming. One of the main reasons for the rise in sexual crimes in our country is impunity. According to the United Nations’ 2013 Multi-country Study on Men and Violence, 95.1% of rape-related crimes in Bangladesh go unpunished. The primary reason for impunity is that the crimes are not reported. And the main reason for non-reporting is victim-blaming and shaming – this goes without saying.

To stop victim-blaming and shaming, such propaganda must be halted. Right after Mosharraf Karim’s program aired, we saw another online video where a speaker defended the rape of a seven-year-old child mentioned by Mosharraf Karim, claiming the rapist was sexually aroused by other women and couldn’t control himself, so he raped a child. These kinds of people are not just a few – they are thousands. And their followers believe every word they say. Such propaganda must be stopped by law. These kinds of audio, video, and writings must be banned and removed from both online and offline platforms. Authorities must contact YouTube and other sites to ensure such videos are not shown in Bangladesh. Broadcasting such statements on television must be legally prohibited. We’ve seen extremist propaganda shut down before – rape propaganda must be dealt with just as firmly.

# We need proper sex education, co-education, and appropriate learning

There is no alternative to education. When hiring teachers, merit, skill, humanity, and good behavior must be prioritized – not bribes or phone connections. Remember, when a fire breaks out, your house won’t be spared either. Given the rape epidemic in the country, no matter how powerful or corrupt you are, there’s no guarantee someone close to you won’t become a victim. Parents must overcome unnecessary shame and teach children about reproductive health and sexuality from a young age. A child doesn’t fall from the sky with the rain – they come from their mother’s womb. Hiding these truths cripples a child’s understanding of the world. Teach children which touches are good and which are inappropriate, how to respond, and why and how to protest. Sexuality is not a secret, impure, or dirty topic – it is the process through which humans come into the world. If children receive accurate knowledge from an early age, distorted tastes and thoughts about sexuality will be much less likely to develop.

Boys and girls should not be taught in separate schools – they should study together. I searched Google and couldn’t find separate girls’ schools in many civilized countries. Co-education and proper learning teach children to be empathetic toward the opposite gender from the beginning. Even seating arrangements in schools should not separate boys and girls. This way, the next generation may be freed from the pedophilic tendencies that plague a large portion of our society today – because they will grow up seeing boys and girls together, learning friendship, love, and harmony. Standing at the street corner chatting with friends or sitting together on a park bench is not a crime. But in a society that views healthy relationships through a sick lens, such interactions provoke rage in rape-minded individuals.

# We need personal, social, religious, cultural, economic, legal, and political initiatives

Rape is a severe social disease. To eliminate it, we must dismantle the misconceptions that exist in society. These misconceptions are simplistic, but rape is not a simple crime. Only a multidimensional and integrated system of prevention and remedy can help us recover from this disease. Rape is a problem that requires action on personal, social, religious, cultural, economic, legal, and political levels. Above all, we need humane individuals to build a humane society. Humane individuals will emerge only when those who run society – teachers, parents, and leaders – are themselves humane.